A Comparison between the True Self and False Self
The comparison between the true self, false self is vastly different. The false self seeks security and significance by what it HAS, what it DOES and what others THINK of it. It finds its identity in the idealized self (the self it wants others to think it is). This identity is achieved by means of pretense and practice and is maintained by its own effort and by control. When you put on the false self it's like wearing a mask - no one can see the "real you". In his book Street Wisdom, Albert Hooltz gives us a visual picture of the risks of the false self that can be seen in the story of the baby crab. The baby crab has an irresistible temptation for discarded bottles that lay on the ocean floor. The little creature…glides easily through the bottle’s mouth to discover an enclosed world that offers everything it needs: plenty of organic debris to eat, shelter from strong currents, and, best of all, protection from the countless predators who feed on young crabs. Delighted, it makes itself at home, and begins to thrive in the cosy surroundings. After some weeks, however, when instinct tells it the time has come to migrate, it crawls confidently to the opening, expecting to swim back out the way it came in. That’s when it discovers the ghastly price of that time of perfect security: it’s grown too big to fit through the neck of the bottle! In a terrible ironic twist that (seemingly) safe shelter now becomes a death chamber; its protective shield will be its coffin. The true self seeks security and significance by being deeply loved by God. Its fulfillment is found in an unbelievable way - in surrender to God. It bases its identity in who it is and who it is becoming-in Christ. Instead of its own efforts and control, it is maintained by grace. Here is some helpful comparisons between the true self, false self: Common Behavioral Traits of the TRUE SELF: 2. Mood is generally "up" and "light" 3. Usually realistically optimistic 4. Focused, clear, and centered 5. Compassionate, kind, forgiving 6. Firm, strong, motivated, purposeful 8. Usually has a long-range focus - accepts delayed gratification 9. Balances long and short-term payoffs 11. Appreciative, grateful, "glass half-full" 12. Empathic, sensitive, genuinely respectful 13. Spiritually open, aware, "connected," receptive, growing 14. Consistently self-nurturing without egotism 15. Genuine, honest, open, direct 16. Respectfully assertive 17. Socially engaged and active 18. Physically healthy: balanced diet, exercise, work and rest; preventive checkups 19. Spontaneously expressive of all emotions, without major anxiety or guilt 20. Able to form genuine bonds with others 21. Able to judge who to trust and distrust with what 22. Realistically self-responsible 23. Usually realistic about life and situations 24. Spontaneously able to exchange love 25. Comfortable receiving merited praise 27. Frequently includes others in his or her “awareness bubble” 28. Seldom gives double messages 29. Able to grieve losses spontaneously 30. Seeks self-guided people and high-nurturance settings 31. Evolving and living a clear life-purpose 32. Work, play, and rest are generally balanced
Common Behavioral Traits of the FALSE SELF: 2. Often "heavy," "down," gloomy, manic 3. Usually pessimistic or idealistic 4. Confused, vague, unfocused 5. Blaming, critical 6. indecisive, anxious, unsure, cautious 7. "Upset," scared, angry, guilty, ashamed 8. Usually has a narrow, short-term focus 9. Usually seeks immediate gratification 10. Often impatient, impulsive, uncommitted 13. Spiritually unaware, skeptical, closed, scornful, or uninterested 14. Consistently self-neglectful 15. Dishonest, indirect, sly, controlling 16. Timid, apologetic or aggressive 20. Difficulty forming true (vs. pseudo) bonds 21. Difficulty discerning who to trust with what 22. Notably over- or under-responsible 23. Frequent distortions and denials 24. Difficulty giving and/or receiving real love 25. Uncomfortable receiving merited praise 27. Often focuses only on her/himself or a 1-person "bubble" 29. Difficulty grieving on one to three levels 30. Unconsciously prefers wounded people and low-nurturance settings 32. Work, play, and rest are often unbalanced
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